I recently joined a 90 Day Challenge with the Natural Life Business Partnership! I jumped in for Camille the founder got me enthused by her enthusiasm. An energy source hard not to ride. I considered this would move me to manage my life's work as Lyn Hicks in a new way. It has been on the back burner somewhat for I was busy managing other priorities. I wanted to make a personal commitment  to put this on the priority list. Often making an intention out loud, aligns our consciousness.

I was not in the mind set of beating myself up for not accomplishing this task yet. In transition, working with presence, other things were more important and showed up to handle. This is often the case for ourselves. We spend too much time beating ourselves up that we are not doing something and waste energy. There is never a reason to do that, it is energy wasting, we are not doing, we are mentalizing. Discipline is important but I see it more as direction. Directing myself toward my expansion, not contracting about what I haven't yet done.

That said, it seemed with the move behind me, the festival complete, gardening phasing out, it is time to consider how my Clinical Homeopathy, floral design and educating/mentoring can be presented to the world in a way that sings my heart. Many say I should pick one of these and do it hard. I am not of that philosophy. I am about being authentic and I enjoy these three ways to create money. I don't want to focus on just one for all are my wisdom I am called to share. I like that I am multidimensional, unique and have a mix of offerings. 

Being a woman, awakening to the Aquarian Age, the individual, the gifts and talents of the creatives will be the focus. I sense that and find having a blend called the White Lotus Cottage is authentic to me. So I will work it that way and give up the elevator speech mentality. If I have one it would be to Play with Life, Make love to life or I offer things of beauty! I want to inspire woman now that a feminine awakening is in full thrust that we are allowed to use our multifaceted gifts for career. It doesn't have to be linear if a mix brings us health, beauty and happiness.

One focus works for some but as woman we have the gift of multifocus. This is not wrong, it is a gift that many men don't have. They do one at a time production. Woman can do many things at once and accomplish in a very graceful way that looks effortless. This is a gift we have naturally and we need to use it more for success rather than feel we are unfocused.

So as I entered this challenge, I listened to the kick off and it cringed me the list of things to do, how to get to my goals, it was like static in my body. I thought, i will not do well at this. The first day I am already in resistance about it. I looked deeper to see if it was temper tantrum girl in her indicator position, showing me a lesson or if she was just whining about task work. It was good for me to go in and see if this resistance was a pattern that needs to clear or a message of going a different way. 

I appreciated the challenge  for this was a self growth moment already on day 2. I realized it was not just me being lazy as society would call it. It was my authentic self saying make this fun and playful or you won't do it. I am trained in the feminine way of pleasure and this sounded like yucky work. In the feminine way of pleasure it is not that we don't do yucky work. Cleaning is yucky and we do this. It is not about the activity, it is about the way we approach the activity and how we use our creativity to make the most boring things playful. The project was presented to me in a linear, boring, production way so I need to put it in perspective.

I realized that one of the goals of this challenge was to make it a pleasure to develop my career, my presentation of this refined me to the world. I could not just listen to the advice and linear offerings( that work no doubt). I had to come up with my own way to do this challenge that seemed playful, inspiring and authentic to me. This is the feminine way of creativity that makes listening to little kids music while driving around in the car fun. We can take anything that is presented and make it fun, add joy, create a sing songy vibe and complete it. This is a very important understanding of feminine, creative, sensual energy! I must do that for my 90 day challenge. Use my feminine way to work toward my goals.

I share this for often we sense this discomfort with what is before us and shun it off as laziness, say we are not motivated, we are not ready, using this discomfort as a way to push ourselves into something we don't want to do or beat ourselves up. For woman, it is all about creativity, pleasure and play. This other process just won't work long term for our nature or our body. It will create adrenal stress as we "push" ourselves through. It is not a good use of energy for woman.

To look at it from the feminine perspective which involves more emotion which is the tool of action. I had to reframe what I heard into words and ways that cause my passion to arise and thus I can do anything. Just thinking I will get success by doing this, that and the other things may very well work. Yet I am not about to change my light attitude and happy daily living for success. I can do anything before me if I use my creative mind and playful spirit to inspire me. I find this most important for woman. We are not mental as men. We can do things that way but we will stress over time and be unfulfilled. It is just the nature of femininity.

In all this I believe there is a huge key and message from spirit. I must teach this to other woman in a way that delights me for it will delight them. I have been on this path for over 8 years and I know it works, supports me each day and it is wisdom that woman are seeking in how they operate. To do this challenge from a feminine way for myself allows me to really remember, woman are all over trying things from the linear way and running into the same static I did.  They are looking for me to remind them, they are not lazy or unable to accomplish goals. They just need to use their innate feminine way to inspire and motivate themselves rather than use the mental concepts before them. Then their magic flows. 

Yes.... this is my gift and I will happily, joyfully, playfully remind others of our magical way of being! The Art Of Being a Woman!

It is quite a journey being in relationship. In fact, it is probably the most adapting thing we must do. It is so valuable to observe and learn from your ways you interact. They say others are our mirrors of ourselves. It is not always easy to see it that way. It is also not so easy to be mature and do things the way you know work versus your reactive level. Relationship is the quickest way to refine your consciousness so I see it all as upliftment and learning of me. 

Relationships bring up our wounds, our triggers, our unhealed parts of ourselves. When we get hurt, by nature we get angry and want to protect. It is a good tool anger, to let us know where we feel scared, hurt, vulnerable. Our quick heat reaction not always so effective to communicate with others our truth, our feelings yet it has it's place. We do react. We create issue, we play small, we have tantrums, all of this is just part of learning how to be in harmony with another while learning of ourselves. Sometimes we just won't find harmony. We can love others deeply and have moments of disagreement, even battle. It is normal and part of learning the tantra of two. I learned much about anger with my wild boy. In my school they call it sandpapering, Refining the diamond.

The wild boy I was dating has ended our relationship. The passion and tension between such opposites was delicious in so many ways. We just couldn't connect in communication in a way that I could manage. I am a woman so of course, I wanted more connection, communication and attention than I received. Woman seem to chat how men don't give them enough and men chat how their woman wants far too much attention. Part of the opposing poles of things,  us learning that a balance will always need to be addressed. Some times it will work and other times it will not. Part of the man/woman learning. 

 I learned good things about anger and passion. Woman generally don't show anger for then we are "bitches". Men are allowed to be angry and it is just men. So for me to go head to head with this anger was freeing. I said and acted in ways I would of judged as not nice girl. It was quite freeing. I appreciated that tap into my anger I don't show. At first, I beat myself up for going to that reactive space but then realized how anger transmutes energy and clears it when you speak it. I am not saying it is ok to manage that way but it was important to see the protection and force anger offers. Men get to do that. Woman not really. I saw the wild cat in me and it was freeing to express it rather than hold it in. I embraced being a bitch and seeing the power in voicing what I didn't like. 

We all learn milder ways to express anger.  When ever we learn anything we often go to extreme. I think my anger expression ended it. He responded back that I was immature and I haven't heard back since. I think it is why woman don't express anger. They don't want to get dumped or scolded. Well, I felt what I felt and need to share and be honest if I want a good relationship. So I did. I got dumped. It is better to be truthful and get left in the dust than hold in anger, create resentment and then have a slow burn. . 

I did like this guy for the experience of difference and fun he gave me. I was giggling when we were together and found our twisted connection quite adventurous. He was as shocked to be with me as well, so maybe it was just one of those flings that rolls through craziness. Opposites attract. In tantra, it is the most delicious connection but managing it properly is the whole art. I obviously am a novice. 

I did appreciate the feistiness!. Maybe we couldn't manage it to a reasonable level but it is powerful energy. I think many of woman hide this wild, crazy part of themselves or stuff it down and it becomes destructive to them and their relationships. Maybe that's  what happened here. I liked getting tapped into my fiery nature. I am thankful to wild boy for bringing out wild girl! I hold tantrum girl in a dungeon mostly and mildly speak my discontent. That doesn't serve me either. Not sure what the full lesson of this balance will be but I liked having her unleashed.  She has great power, protection and energy that I am not using. I don't think I used her rightly here either, but she got to be a present, that is learning. I will find when and how she is appropriate and it won't be by the rules of womanhood I was taught. 

Our rules put this presence of life force, protection, honest feelings in the dungeon for woman. She is not effective there and leashed up. Her message muted to me and the world. I appreciated her having a space. I think she has often created havoc and destruction by keeping her quiet. Then she emerges in reaction. I do know there is a better way to use her energy.  If it wasn't for Italian wild boy and his fiery way, I wouldn't of tapped into mine. This is a great awakening to a part of me that  I like. Society has told me to be proper and quaint but I like this wild child girl inside! She is allowed to express and I will find more positive ways to share what she is. 

Passion protection, anger, wild fun, adventure are all on the same vibe of energy. We are always having to learn how to ride that edge of playful excitement and destruction in many ways. I am grateful for this awakening to this energy in me and this expansion of a part of myself that only a relationship would of shown me,  even if I was dumped. It didn't make me feel unlikable, it made me like myself richer for the parts of me he supported to be.

Maybe I learned that our ways weren't rightfully blended? Our timing wasn't good?  I am just a bitch and want more adoration than I may receive? We weren't meant to play long???? Don't know those answers yet but do know that this wild girl he reflected is out to play now and I like it!  That is the delicious tantra of relationship!