I am lost in space!

Congratulations to my lovely daughter for she was married this weekend!!! Exciting but I was not there or anyone for she got married in England. Short notice and a tricky world. It is heartbreaking not to have been there but our children do what they do. And they are allowed to be who it is they came to be. I just never imagined it would entail this distance and diversity. She was beautiful and looked happy. There is joy in my heart for her heart.  In summer she will come and celebrate with family.  I lost my role quite quickly as a mom guide to  witness. Many go through this with their children and it is my turn.

So I am lost in space in many ways. I lost the close role with my daughter which I admit was a big part of my last 5 years of life.  A podcast, our water business, our closeness, it is all shifted hugely. I can move on and indeed have to a new home in a new state. I am still in the reorder phase. It feels like eons but it is only my mind making it dramatic. I have wonderful things ahead and fun things becoming. For today, I feel lost . I feel like all roles have dropped. I think it is good, for we are an essence not our roles. We are educated we are those things so when they shift or change we get thrown. It is part of the process. We adapt, adjust and expand into new expressions. There is an in between. I am there. Much of the world is. 

The old world almost complete and gone, the new unformed. It is a big space as the empty canvas. It is the gestation that we go through on many levels through life, just never had one this big. I allow the lost in space feeling. It is where creation comes from. It still feels aimless and dark. I am releasing the low emotions inside. Giving them the cleansing moment to pass through. We must go through our emotions or we get ill. It is energy and we have stuffed so much down. There is good healing when you really feel them as the waves of energy they are and not get too caught up in the story of it. Things change. Things don't work out. Things are not what we want often yet life still has beauty, joy and love. 

Floating. floating, floating. The caldron of creation. I think the whole world is in this. It is a wonderful space. It just doesn't feel like it when you are in it. We want to move, produce, achieve, create. There are times in all ideas where you are in the void. The beginning. It is full of possibility. It is completely unformed. That really scares us or at least me. What really bubbles up and inspires me to move? Not what should I do or how should I create, it is now  what opens me? What widens me? What wants to express now? 

It is also winter and the cycle of the year is perfect for the inward hang. Hanging in the creative openness with all possibility. Sometimes there seems to be too many ideas that I am overwhelmed or there is sadness and stillness.  Really it is to get cleanly in the stillness. The zero point. Settle in there and listen. Then it bubbles up in its own time and how still you are. Patience and quiet. Something that weirds us out. But where creation and expression begins. From inward out. It is not the outside fills us as we thought. It is the inside decides and then it flows out and creation happens. 

Very wild space and yet so many in this very spot just with different circumstances. New ways are calling and old roles no longer supporting them. I feel the true feminine space of creation. A place where my roles don't exist or define me. I am not acting on devotion, service and duty. I am not really acting on anything but being me. Very different for woman as we are roles and many of them service and it feels good to us but it is not the true essence of us often. We go deeper to the expression of just us. Not our service. The deep void of creation bubbles up. Very interesting space. Age, experience, world changes, such an unexpected spot. The rebirth of ourselves after years of tending and nurturing. 

I write this for all others that may feel this space. It is not really lost but it feels like it. We have so many things shifting, energies of the sun flares, astrology that hasn't existed in hundreds of years and the age of aquarius as we all have heard is truly a shift bigger than our minds can understand. It is right and purposeful but it feels very odd. My inner knowing sees this as the void before the reforming. Things are cyclical and always changing. If you are here with me, know you are not alone. It is a good thing really we just like certainty and there really is none and may never have been but we thought there was.

Exhale. Sit in the quiet. Allow the unwinding of old. Rest. Unlayer your mind and stories. Let is all go in a surrender that what was is not anymore. It is ok. New forms come in all the time and when we rest enough in this space, we will be reanimated by our very own essence into the perfect next step. Our world has not honored this void of creation and now it must. Old systems and structures on a personal and global level are falling down. It is quite unsettling.  But we are here for a reason and our spirit of self has a purposeful space here in the collective. Allow that spark or voice a moment to speak and it will show you the next pieces. I know I have the outline to this next chapter. Let the details form not from forcing as we normally do but from them coming to you.

I find I am learning yet deeper that all life supports us. We are not separate beings forging our way through by ourselves as we were trained. Pick a goal and push to it. Yes there was a time for that but it is ending. It is more like center in yourself and watch what is unfolding. Then jump in where it feels good, easy and fun. Like participating in a play versus being your own character all alone. The energy of life is filling us in a new way. We are becoming aware of the field of life we are part of not separate. It is sensual in a way I never felt. I am connected differently and energetically. We are coming into a new way that is not yet here but we feel the shift. 

It is a more collaborative view and energy that says you just need to watch and do your part. You are not carrying it all. You never were. You can relax, observe and watch how life meets you. It is a cocreation. it is not an individual build. We are finding this connected energy in a new way and learning how to work with it for it is the life energy we are. We just were cut off somehow or unknown to the connection of the field. Now we are learning and we will find our way in a much more grounded, less stressful way to create. I feel it. 

Exhale, observe, recharge, and then jump in where it feels good. Not hard, not pushing not forcing but join in the field. It is here and I too am learning it. I do know we are exactly where we are to be. So ride the flow. Wait for it as we often say. It is cocreation on a level we never did before.

Blessings to us as we hang in this void for a moment!