Today I am romancing myself and my world by being still. It is not something I am so good at. In fact, I find it very hard yet I can't move. It is funny. My mind is chatting at me saying do something, get up and go and all I will do is write about it. I am at a crossroads in this new year of where and how to move forward. I do not want to just do for the sake of doing as our world has taught us. Go be ambitious, make money, act, move and be productive.
Something else inside is asking me to be still and just sit. Sit and listen. Await til the true, in spirited movement causes action. Action of inspired, angelic, rightful force. Await the directive of clear, pure inspired action. I am writing this feeling of bipolar energy flowing. My mind wants me to move, my body wants to rest. My emotions turbid trying to make sense of this dual impulse. I want to do for the highest good. I want to move with great power and direction. I want to participate in a way that sings my heart and be moved by the deep soul inside me.
What action other than writing still is not clear. There is a pain in my heart that wants to unlock and I know not how to do it. Move, sit, get up, stay still. I am restraining myself. I don't know how to make sense of it other than my heart, my chalice of spirit, of love within is burning something, allowing some cauldron action that I am not sure of but experiencing. It is a wild mix of wanting to move but not knowing how.
So I sit and write, observing, feeling the movement within. Knowing something is happening as I sit and write. Not sure how to use it or be good with it, yet experiencing it. My crown spinning, I filling with energy or light or spirit. Filling and filling with something so powerful. Allowing it. Opening to it. Being present with it. Not knowing what it is but feeling good with it. Intrigued by it and investigating it. Like the tarot card of Ace of Wands, Filling with blessing to where I could burst and want to over pour but don't know how on this plane.
I vowed to hold until I was sure what the next action would be. Still in the hold, still in the receiving, still in the do nothing but fill. Keeping my mind thoughts and my desire to move in hold until it is clear what that action is. I have spent so much life just moving to move. Being ambitious, helpful, striving, doing. Often to my own exhaustion and not always getting somewhere good. It is how we are trained to move, do, achieve. It is a busying. I don't want to participate in anymore.
I want to be fully inspired, aligned in action. That all of my being is in it and directed and focused. Where action is like gliding and dancing rather than effort and pushing. Inspired action they call it where you float on the energy of the universe aligned with a greater force. In 2020 I want to move like this rather than with just my own ideas and energy. I have done that enough and am tired. I know this is not the best use of energy or most powerful way to move. There are smarter uses of energy and I will sit until it gushes forth in me in the way I was taught to move in grace and ease.
As I do this, you hear my beliefs challenge me. Some pieces of me want to do as I was taught. They are powerful beliefs wanting to run me. I am challenging them in this moment for they are not the true soul and spirit I am. They are stories I have learned that want me to move for movements sake.
I will find the balance between this filling, this transforming and the right action that will appear if I endure and hold long enough. I know there is great action to be done yet don't see what it is. So I sit. I write. I share. I await the true direction I am to go. I allow this duality to exist in me as it does its thing. Very fascinating observance that giggles me. My feet firmly planted and going no where quite yet.
Awaiting the direction from within rather than outside. A tug of war. We need to listen more and do less. Then when doing, do aligned and in full force and laser focus. It is most efficient that way energetically but also in heart, mind and body all connected. It will come. I will wait. I watch it all settle into direction.
A new way is dawning. I will lead in this way. I will listen first. I will guide others to as well. It is how enthusiasm, en theos, in spirit is expressed and moves mountains.
Inspiring ways to love your life! Simple writings on how to see life in ways that bring joy, relaxation, oxytocin, health and vitality giggling through life!
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