Today I am bright and alive! So different from the last post and quite shifting from the last few weeks. I am writing for this is the wave of life. We are inspired, passionate and enthused and at other times we are not so. It is just how the cycle goes here. We put so much pressure on ourselves constantly to be other than we are. To feel different, to live different, to behave different, to grow and think different. Always seeking something else rather than what is. We get lost in the seeking and forget all is here to experience.
I admit that I have done this many times. We are unsettled so we do this or that to shift and feel better. Sometimes, this is right to move to a greater expression. Yet it is not always about that. I have learned this lately that confusion, feeling lost and not sure is part of the experience. The pressure to get you out of that space can create more problems. Sitting in the fog is important at times as life reveals the next step. Uncomfortable yes, uncertain yes, but bad, maybe not. Atleast thats is what I am learning right now.
I awaken to life is just what it is. It is all things from joy, fear, love, hate, fun, nightmare, struggle, celebration. All of it. Yes some of it feels better. When it doesn't, we all want to get back to the joy, I know. And we will. Sometimes by our own action and other times by enduring or waiting out the conditions. It is truly only in our power to have the right attitude. Conditions be what they are, we can always find a way to see the good. Pressuring ourselves to get out of or because we shouldn't of landed in something or reprimanding ourselves for what ever occurred doesn't do much to resolve things.
I awaken to be my own best support and not be so hard on myself. I awaken to accept sometimes I am wrong, confused, a bitch, overindulgent, messy, stupid and all these negative things yet it is all right! I awaken to support me and not pressure myself too far to be better. Yes, growing is important but sometimes shit just happens and it is not because of what you did. Maybe karma from long ago but there is never a good reason not to love yourself. I awaken to that.
We are so hard on ourselves and bring about our own demise by overthinking. We truly need to lighten up and support our wonder rather than revel in our weakness. We all make mistakes and learn so why the big focus or the hiding of this? It seems so odd to me today. I feel good. I don't care that I am in a lost or uncertain spot and I certainly don't have any ill feelings at myself for being here.
I inspire you to awaken to all this is life. The good, the bad, the ugly and it is not really that important. Where we go and what we do at some point doesn't matter as much as that we have joy and make pleasure where we can. We seek the good in the uncomfortable and get through it. We support ourselves and others the best we can. If we can't, we don't and there is nothing wrong with that either. We are these sparkly gems in a dark, learning world. We need to honor that rather than consider we are not most wonderful and dislike parts of ourselves.
Awakent to enough is enough. There is never a reason not to love yourself! Awaken to all the mess is part of life and there is nothing wrong with you if you are in a mess. It is just part of life. Yes, try to pay attention and watch. In the end though, we all land in unsavory places if by our actions or another's. We will have a greater time and growth if we just walk through, don't judge and just love ourselves anyway. Find a way to chuckle for that is the best response and keep walking until more delight and pleasure shows up.
Awaken to it all as the joy of living!! I have today and it is quite cool to be lost and found all in one morning. Teehee! The ride of woman!
As I sit here in the hospital, for the first time inspired to write in a while, I find I am in a stirred up place with confusion. It is as though I am not who I was and not who I am moving towards but somewhere in the middle. I have done none of the normal things I do. I haven't walked in the woods, posted my pics or wisdom on social media, written which I do often, or anything of a normal routine. I am out of sorts with my mom in health challenge so life is topsy turvy in this moment.
In the fog of a quagmire for almost two months now, I am flowing from one thing to the next, not sure of a direction or plan. In between shall we say, in a haze before the breakthrough!? Much like the seed or a tiny plant pushing forth through the darkness of the soil to reach the warmth of the light. It is quite an interesting space and yet I can't say I feel really bad about it.
At other points in life, I did not allowed myself the freedom to be lost for a moment. I would of beat myself up, gotten on myself to get my scene together and determine a plan. Never just hanging with the conditions sketchy and feeling ok about it. Real self growth I would say. To just be with the uncertainty. Not upset, not feeling too lost, not angry, not pressuring myself, just being in what is.
We are in confusion as to what is wrong with my mom, conflicting diagnosises from doctors. I am confused with what to be moving on in life as all is slow as molasses at this moment. I have not been inspired to write, post or be involved in life. I usually have such passion and participation in things. The most powerful emotion I have lately is annoyed with things. I am in an inward way. Not really caring much or enthused. There is lots of things good going on yet I am in a place of hang man. I am stirring deep inside with something and don't know what it is. So I allow the confusion, the nothingness and let it be alright.
So I ride the quagmire of this confusion. It feels like floating, involved yet above, participating but not attached, an odd place to be. I give it up. I let myself be annoyed, detached from most things, not certain about much of anything. It is certainly mysterious. I will just ride it out. What else is there to do but find joy in the confusion itself!
It seems to be an emotional spring for me. Not all happy ones either. I am experiencing some very negative or low based feelings and thoughts this season which is not normal for me. These are what create our numbing, our addictions, our desire to move away from feeling crappy. Usually we have a mix, a bit of all. We ride this wave of ups and downs, letting them pass through onto the next. When they seem to be in the lower realms, the sadder, more depressed feelings, it is more challenging to ride.
I am a strong proponent of feeling all our feelings. In fact, as we let them pass through us, they stay as feelings, indicators of our environment. If we stuff them down, don't allow the energy to be felt and move, they become emotions, energy moving with greater force. Emotions are more powerful than feelings, and create many more issues than just noticing a feeling. In the darker feelings this spring, I have at times wanted to stuff them, not experience them and then the emotional wave builds up and comes forward uncontrollably. Creating crying in power, anger in power, annoyance and frustration. It has been quite a drama to watch, notice and find a way through..
Observation is key to all awareness and self development. Neutral observation without judgement, criticsm and labeling bad or wrong. They are not right or wrong, they are the way we feel in the moment. Often just noticing , sharing how we feel, it switches as soon as we say it. It is really that quick and like water. The emotions are like water. Murky sometimes, forceful like a wave or a trickle of tears or rain and the downpour of wrathful anger. Remembering the flowing nature of water, it rolls by, it doesn't damn up or stop unless constrained. We keep it moving so it washes our body being and we learn and release.
Easier said then done with all the training we have about our emotions. We have beliefs of good girls don't get angry or nice girls are sweet. All these beliefs of woman being unstable or emotional messes keep us from really understanding the power of this gift of our feeling nature. Yet ride them we will so to flow past the judgments, get the essence of them and move to the higher ones is truly the way to learn from these rolling waves. Woman so centered in this nature of emotions and gifts of empathy and compassion to nourish others comes from this nature.
I have had to really test my beliefs this season with many low emotions surfacing. Tantrum girl has been very present, unhappy with things and quite expressive. I allow her a moment. I do not let her run the show but give her the chance to voice herself. I often am shocked at her words and find myself explaining and apologizing for her outburst. Yet she has important messages for me in boundary and not allowing others to be so mean either. It is a true journey to find the balance of surfacing and allowing and controlling or digesting these energies.
I remain true that to express, feel and be with her and all the lower emotions as part of being myself, being a woman and understanding my nature. We don't allow this expression, this shadow of ourselves as it is called. We pretend it is not there or try to bury this meaner side within. That only allows this energy to hide and build. Grow stronger and out of control only to explode in a situation that may not warrant it. I am embracing this meaner, lower, sadder, more depressed part of me. Being a mother to her, letting her exist rather than banish her to the dungeon. I don't revel too long but I give this voice its due and allow it to release. So many times I stuffed down through my life coming forward all in one season!
I forgive myself many times a day lately and do find a giggle at this part of me. Yes unruly, maybe not so kind like I want the world to think I am. Truly a part of me and us all, in place for protection, to remind us where not to go, to allow ourselves to not like it when things don't go our way. These are normal feelings and when felt they pass through and we work with conditions. In stuffing them for years, I am in a bit of a clear out. I am gentle with myself. I let her rage her way to clean her closet so to speak. I honor this magic nature of mine and know only through listening, expressing and allowing can I understand why I have these feelings and use them for my benefit.
I don't really mind being an unruly, unpredictable woman, mysterious at times even to myself. For this is the magic and gift of this great feeling nature, this intuition so tied to it. It lacks power when not felt and discipline when not heard. I ride this lower energy as a clearing of spring. Knowing it must end soon as all cleaning jobs do. As the tide rolls, the wind blows, the emotional, feeling nature too will shift and turn to the brighter side soon enough. It is it's nature to change, so I ride the wave open to the lighter feelings of summer.
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We are in Taurus month where the grounding of things is the flavor. Love, home, values, enjoyment and pleasure are the likes of the Bull. We get to really consider the things we sowed in the movement of April and refine the joys in our life. We get to relax, savor and realize the fabulous things we have here and now. Taurus loves pleasure, luxury, being home and enjoying the world it has created.
It is the perfect opportunity to reflect and refine our joys. We get to amp us the things we love and find the pleasures in slowing down. Grounding, as the earth sign suggests, we move slower, in more methodical ways, reveling in the goodness we have. We can be sure that the world we are creating has the things we want. If not, we can make the changes to bring in that settled feeling. I am painting two walls of my office to add that little extra creativity for myself and my clients. Simple things of the home or our environments that bring us pleasure and relaxation inspire us to be ourselves.
Sensuality is the key to pleasure. Grounding into our bodies, reveling in our senses, the sights, smells, textures, sounds and feelings of our world bring presence and pleasure. We have this sacred temple body that offers simple joys by being in it and feeling the body relaxed, comfortable and at home. True enjoyment is a sign of feeling happy, healthy and delighted in our world.
How could you add more inspiration and coziness to your nest? What is already lovely about your home and environments that gives you that wonderful feeling to be yourself and happy? Notice these things, savor and enjoy them. Slower, appreciative movement the speed of this month. Refining and reflecting to see if you can make it even more delicious for ourselves. Our values and desires change throughout our life so we take time to notice and enhance them.
How could you engage and enjoy your relationships more? Venus, the planet of love the ruler of Taurus. We get so busy moving, thinking, planning, goal directed that we often forget to just hang out. Real chatter, time spent learning of your loved ones feelings, desires and lessons is key to pleasurable connection. Are there relationships that could be let go that don't inspire you? People that create imbalance, self doubt, second guessing are not nurturing connections that ground you into your fullness. Take inventory and build where you love and let go where there is challenge.
May is the time of great bloom. The plants, grounded in the soil, anchored and steady, begin to shoot toward blooming this month in color, scent and beautiful form. Secure in their place, they can blossom their great beauty. We, too, create a strong base in our life so we can find balance when necessary. Savoring what we have, reveling in what is here, counting our blessings and finding the pleasure in what is. This is our month to be prepared and have ourselves centered for the actions of the next season of movement. Settle, complete and savor your sacred spaces in ways that bring you more pleasure with little to do but be there.
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Lyn Hicks’ passion is to awaken others to their true joy through play and relaxation! Mentor, Teacher and Writer on The Feminine Way of living!
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