As a recent divorcee and a woman, I often find I am very communal in nature. I consider the group first and often forget to include my desires in that group. I seek peace, negotiation and collaboration which is just part of motherhood and running a family. Since my divorce, I"m on the path of me, myself and I. It has been a great learning for me. I have had to continually untangle myself from getting involved in supporting others in hardship. Not that I don't want to be a help, but this is now a time for me to take care of myself first and know myself as an individual and blend differently with groups and partners.
I am so familiar with working in a group dynamic that I forget that I get what I want now. I blend well with most others and have the great feminine qualities of flexibility and adaptability. I often work with others that are OCD or detail oriented. So I can manage others that have a strong controlling instinct. I am learning further not to get caught in that web of control. Being a wife, you are used to partnering and making things work no matter what. So I am having to learn this is not the case now. I can work with others I chose and of course, still blend but it is not the same as when you are married most of your life.
I am very new to the dating scene and all of those I had dated have been friends I already knew. For the first time, I dated one I never met. It was a friend connection and I went for trying the unknown. I am not absolutely sure I am ready for this dating yet but you have to expand to learn so I went for it. I met a fun guy that was way out of the box for me and I for him. We had great fun for most of 28 days and it was certainly learning of others ways. I don't think I really achieved the goal of one not in the throws of hardship but I didn't know him or the story at first. As a minister, I find myself constantly in contact with others that need support. That is fine, for as I said I am used to it, yet I am to be thinking of myself. It is a new practice.
So it went fast and furious, lustful and wild by his direction, Yet he is in quite a challenge still going through divorce. It brings in turmoil and old emotion as you walk through such a severing. Maybe not so wise to be in a relationship like that at such a time? I had previously been with a friend whom lost his wife and he is still finding his way. I finding my way too and certainly not so good at this. Dating men that are not really ready for me and my whims? My minister, feminine, nourishing gift runs deep.
As I enjoyed playing with this out of my comfort zone wild boy, I started to notice that he wasn't really as attentive as I was used too in dating when we were out. Maybe he was into me, and we were just very different. He was street smart, I like the innocent, naive girl. He had very particular tastes and made me aware of them. He wanted someone with this and that and I was my own way. It is good to share these things I think. I tried many new ways and even created some of my own wild so it was all good. We had fun and enjoyed the wacky differences most times and I giggled and adventured with him.
After a weekend away, I really noticed all the things he requested, I should do this, why do you do that, and why this, etc. I am a confident woman and this threw me off. I didn't like second guessing my wonder. I told him to be more adored would suit my tastes better. I know he liked me but in the throws of divorce you are watching your old world shatter. He certainly couldn't be as focused on me for much was going on. It was a high request for me and maybe I should of thought what am I doing in this situation? And bold enough to be making impossible requests? I am new to this! I took it all too personally perhaps? He also liked to tease me and it often went over my head. I chose to be hurt when it could of been his way of flirting or just part of our differences. We were just getting to know each other and it was lightening speed.
Well, I told him of my dismay, of course it ended whatever was occurring there. I was saddened as we had fun but timing certainly wasn't good for such a relationship or request. At the same time my desire to be truly adored by whatever man I choose next is important to me. I want to be the apple of another's eye atleast in the beginning. Don't we all? Not that all this could occur in 28 days under such stressful conditions really. Yet I don't need to settle for medium and decided to speak up. This is a great "yipee" for me, I normally would allow such by feeling for him. Saying to myself "oh he's in a hard place" or " its his humor", anything but "hey I want to be adored". But I did. I said it, and that ended it.
Inside though, I was so proud of myself for standing up for the true romance I desire. Maybe the request was ludicrous and the fulfillment impossible but I went for asking for what I wanted. It may sound really trite to another who is used to dating or has a stronger way of me, myself and I. For me this was important growing for I often get intuitions to run but stay in situations worrying about another over myself. I think many woman do this and why I am writing a blog of this personal stuff.
I will miss in the fun of this wild situation that had some great kudos in it. Yet I am settled that I stood up for the honor I want. Bad timing, ridiculous request or too soon to say, I don't know but I take all as learning. Maybe I will never find another that does adore me but I certainly need to try. "Why go for the loaf of bread when you can have the whole grocery store? " So I did. I am proud of it. This is not usually my way. Soooo Yipee again!!
It is a learning of many woman to put their desires into the equation when making choices with relationships of all kinds. Whether family, friends, groups or men, we just naturally move into supporting group peace yet forget that our desires matter too in that loop. It is can be a challenge but we must honor ourselves! I got divorced to live differently and expanding from my way of 23 years is a process. I chose for me this time and I am glad. Neither of us were probably ready for this.
In the end, I may have totally read the whole thing wrong but learning came from it. We all have our own perspective and he could have a whole different story about dating a mystical, priestess girl. It was fun though and I did enjoy the great diversity and he stretched me way out. For some reason I couldn't feel the full sweetness I wanted. Not the right timing or mix, I guess. I am very grateful to him though. I played, I learned, I expanded and I honored my own crazy desire. For that I am very thankful for my 28 day fling!
Life is an adventure they say and I like that. It inspires intrigue and mystery! Adventure has challenge and hardship too, yet the word inspires me toward fun and excitement. I am a Bucks County girl for most of my life. The world here is pretty predictable for the most part. The diversity is relatively low, my friends were many of the same since high school with some new folks along the way and we tend to see things in a certain way here. Then in came the Himalayan Masters from the Northern Gate and it all switched up.
I like the unusual, the curious, the unpredictable, honestly. I have adventured many new places but seemed to always come back to the comforts of usual. But after the Masters, my life took a spin to engage in the more unusual of things. I learned many of the healing and expressive arts, met new folks, raw foodists, alternative healers, and learned of the things invisible. As I got engaged by this less than normal fare, my life switched up tremendously and I ended up moving, getting divorced and was called to inspire others into this magical world of the ancient traditions.
It certainly has been anything but predictable and keeps getting zanier still. I do love it with all its unusual and expanding ways. I do know sometimes it does take me out into areas that I never expected I would like. I have learned not to keep my old ideas so strict and be open to maybe things I didn't like before are intriguing now. Like a child that hates vegetables but as they get older, suddenly new foods taste delicious. I find alot that way these days so I keep myself open to reorder my thinking.
I invite you to really allow adventure to come into your life. There are hardships or more challenging moments whenever you go, I often ask "Am I really experiencing this?" Shifting your perspectives, trying new things, going out of the box is unpredictable and throws you off a bit. Yet the growth in experience gives you vitality and a true sense of exploration. You find yourself in many situations that you're not quite sure exactly what to do. It keeps me alive, present and on my toes. That is what living, adventure, true exploration is all about. Newness adds youthful wonder and fresh views. It certainly adds fun and excitement and I wouldn't want life any other way now that I have come to appreciate the not so normal.
Keep open to new ways. new types of people, experiences that maybe you would have judged. As we grow and change, it is amazing how much new fun can be had rather than sticking with the way we were taught or were raised. I get surprised often, learn to be open and compassionate, find empathy with so many people for we all are seeking much of the same things. We just go about it differently for we come from different views.
My latest expansion is with a new boyfriend who is quite unlike those I have played with before. Very opposite and truly from different worlds. Yet there is a fun, learning and openness that I wouldn't have without him. He shows me things I have never seen or experienced, I learn viewpoints I would never have looked at and I find myself intrigued by the surprise of what may come next. It is not always easy to be in this uncertain place yet it expands. Expanding is often scary but it is indeed blissful as well. To truly explore is the wonder of being alive. You can always consider not to do something again but to try the first time is a good experiment. We are here to gain experience and adventure means going for the unknown.
Do use this summer season do expand into adventure. On small and large scale. The exhilaration is enlivening and you just might find something new you adore!
Everyone could use more fun! This is a dog eat dog world for the most part so I inspire you to find greater health by using the child like way of having fun! So many pressures, worries, situations uncanny are whisping about us. The perfect balance to all this stress is to enjoy ourselves when we can.
We do that by having fun! Playing, relaxing, hobbying, exploring, expanding our idea of fun in whatever way calls us. I give you permission to have more fun! Give yourself permission! Who said we have to work all the time and why? Don't we work to have things so we can play and relax?. We have been trained to always be so productive and efficient. Yes that is important but not at the expense of having fun. We can do both and balance our worlds in health through this most exciting and easy practice!
Whatever happened to this most important goal we had as kids? Being adult turned into being serious and always working. Leisure time is a lost art. Yet for greater health, joy and happiness, fun needs to have a piece of the pie. Steven Covey says 3/4 work, 1/4 leisure is the rule of the most productive folks. We really need to get on board with this one. If we get down time, play time, relax time, we open ourselves to creative vibes. Being creative comes when we are out of stress and moving at a slower pace. This creative, open space offers solutions, bright ideas and the most balanced mind that can support us in being more productive.
Relax, play, pleasure, leisure, these are all nourishing qualities! We need to nourish ourselves more, revel in them and that creates more! It creates happiness, balance, health, joy, all the things people desire in life. You must make room for these elixirs! All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy is a truth! Creative imagination, a master tool of the mind, is inspired by these activities of the parasympathetic nervous system. It gets a chance to play as well and bring in those ideas and dreams that take time to conjure. We have so many drugs to chill people down when if they just allowed more fun in life, they would get an even better result.
Relaxing, playing, fun are all practices that are easy to do. Yes, I know that our monkey mind likes to tell us we should be doing something productive yet it is productive to chill. i inspire you to start adding more of this in your life as summer is upon us. There is great fun to be had in these warmer months and lots of options. So partake. Play. Engage, Hobby and Enjoy!
One to the greatest elixirs to a youthful look, attitude and spirit there is!
There are days when enthusiasm is not the vibration we feel. We are worn out, exhausted or facing some challenge that seems to have no solution. We are more deflated toward life than in spirit about it. In the end, this too shall pass so we learn to find ways to shift quicker to get to this bubbly vibe of anticipation toward life.
Sometimes another can add some inspiration, a quote or an unexpected kindness. Thank Goodness for these wonders of outside influence. We can't wait for them however. We must reach to request support or go within to find our way back to the feelings we desire. Often the mind gets on a track and is quite rambling. It gets the emotions all tangled or visa versa, and the spiral down where all of life looks a bit gloomy. These are the moments where we just have to feel it, be aware but not hang too long and reach to shift our vibe. It is our responsibility if we want a happy life to find the way to a happy attitude.
Here are some ideas I use! Nothing works every time so it is best to have many tools. The mind can be our toughest enemy as it can be our brilliant ally.
Redirect. This can be a master tool and it is best described with children. They may be doing something not so good and we redirected them to do something else rather than yell at them. I find this works for myself as well. I say redirect and use my google search mind for something better that will inspire me. Our life has many facets and something has to be going well somewhere! There is an action we can take in positive direction at any moment so we find and do these small redirects to shift.
Step Outside. I often use this one. Finding the beauty in nature is a master tool. The fresh oxygen resets the whole body being. The sensory stimulation brings you present and can inspire a better attitude to reset you. This will work most to change something in you. It does on so many levels and often the quickest way that most don't reach for.
Move and do something. Often if you keep going, just move to another task that requires effort, you can find a lighter vibe and head toward being enthusiastic again. "Sweep the floor" as they say in Eastern traditions. Getting physical can relieve stress and create pleasure hormones. "Movement is quicker than thinking" a shaman wisdom. Try to jolt yourself into higher emotions!
Plan Fun. To feel good and enthusiastic about life, you got to be having fun! Being too serious is not a way to enjoy life. It creates such heaviness and it is everywhere you go. So be sure to do silly things. Take adventures for the morning, day or weekend that inspire you through the week or challenge. I liken it to the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. The anticipation keeps enthusiasm alive. If you stuck in your low mode, do something fun!!
Connect to Your Spirit. Having a spiritual spin on life adds such magic. Enthusiasm comes from En theos, in spirit or in God. However you connect with your own spirit is important. Remembering we are not our behaviors, our mistakes, our darkness. We are truly spirits having a human experience. Cultivate the knowing, the being of that. Maybe it is meditation, yoga, church. There is so many ways to celebrate the spirit of life and the creation we are part of. I couldn't make it through without my spiritual study for it reminds me of the joy, humor and love of life.
Play with Life. This is different than plan fun for it is about not being so serious about all of life. If you mess up, consider to laugh at yourself and try a new direction. If you like a hobby, delve into it, seek play as an avenue of expression. If you are faced with a challenge, lighten up and see how you can play with ideas to shift your perspective. I continually remind myself to play with whatever. My struggle, ideas, dreams, errors, strengths, joys. All of it. I just find my way to feel lighter about all of life. Even moan the drama outloud and exaggerate it til you giggle!
Cultivate Friendships. It is so important to be connected with those you make you feel good. Hobby groups, old friends, new adventure meetups, whatever works to keep yourself connected to others of like mind. We developed The Room at Meadowbrook as a place for like minded spiritual connections of the healing and expressive arts. It supports us greatly in enthusiasm when we find others who think, play or participate in life like we do. It adds great vitality and excitement to the stress of everyday.
Help another. Often when I am in a funk, supporting another in strife is the perfect solution. It reminds me of the power I have and the ways I can inspire others. It also puts whatever issue I have into perspective and just stepping away from my own story often brings in a solution. It feels good, brings in joy and energy to support another. I find it an easy way to redirect back into the higher vibrations.
Use your creative imagination. We can get caught up in how our life is blah blah, rather than dream and imagine what we want. Often so busy doing things that must be done creates displeasure and we don't take out time to think about what brings us joy or what we do want. We must use our creative imagination to know what things will get us excited about life. Visualizing, leaning into ideas is valuable to support our direction. Often what we wanted changes based on situations and being scientific, noticing what inspires truly is important. It takes time to know yourself and know what will bring you the spring in your step. The imagination is a key tool of the mind to find our life to be filled with zest! We must know ourselves and dream our stories.
Continually seeking to have joy, enthusiasm, fun and great moments of life is a path we cultivate. It is a practice we must put time into. I feel so enthused at my life not because it is filled with fluffy things. It is how I look at things in lightness. It is that I continue to seek the fun, laughter, things that entice my playful spirit. I do it daily and often hourly for the world brings us many things that are not so fun. However, I get to see through the world in the view that makes me most joyful. So remember, you are the captain of your ship! Find ways to ride the waves that will giggle, delight and even tearfully move you.
Seeking pleasure is a full time focus!! Keep it light and your eye on the prize!
Inspiring ways to love your life! Simple writings on how to see life in ways that bring joy, relaxation, oxytocin, health and vitality giggling through life!
|Lyn Hicks Flow in Grace and Confidence||
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Lyn Hicks’ passion is to awaken others to their true joy through play and relaxation! Mentor, Teacher and Writer on The Feminine Way of living!
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