Oh the need for space. rhythm and color! With September, there is a shift, a new season, new rhythm and timing. I was at a retreat and we were to ask ourselves, what do we need? Space was the answer so loud and clear. I wasn't quite sure what that meant in the moment, so I let it sit with me. Looking out at the beach, during free time, I stared out at the calm bay that had gentle, rhythmic ripples coming toward me. Free energy, calmly washing in. Always all around us awaiting our receiving. The horizon, the sky, the water all had open space and color. It felt so free, so open, so nourishing. Somewhere in my consciousness, a sigh of relief with all this expansiveness.
I realized I wanted to find more time between things. Summer is filled with events, gatherings with a fast pace. I was in a summer of stretching to care for my mom. I ran from one thing to another and space between was missing. This need for space we all seek this time of year. A slower movement to life. Space to settle down. Finding a rhythm that works for our unique timing. Space for ourselves, just us and our needs. Space to just daze in nature, go inward, sleep, vegetate, hear what it is that is truly desired next.
Space is the one thing we seem not to give ourselves. Things get going, schedules dictate life and we long for space that is just ours. I want space from others. From connecting, sharing. I just desire to be by myself. Not that this is a long space, just enough to get rest and reconnect with me. We all need this. Grateful for what was yet ready for a new way of being.
Everything is truly made of space. Atoms always moving, lots of space between all matter. Tuning into this space takes awareness. It is not far from me. I can always take a few breaths. I can sit on the porch and star gaze. Keeping this in balance is normal for me. I lost it this season so I begin again. Making space for me. Saying no for a moment. Harboring inward and strengthening my energy. Making myself the priority. In our society, we don't support this putting yourself first so you can BEST serve others.
I welcome taking this space. Space in all ways. Giving myself space to create a new rhythm that works and is based on me. Finding a more colorful existence. More variety, more enthusiasm, more adventure. After caring for another, her passing and the clearing of a life, I need some time to me. Some fun, mystery and magic is needed and space to see what direction that is in. I am thankful I know to stop it all and find this inner homecoming. I honor myself enough to put things on the back burner and focus on my space of self. Get a rhythm, a melody and song of beauty going again. One with color and flair, like the fall leaves we will be seeing soon. The color of an open palate, of something new.
Quite exciting to realize what I need! To take my time to dream it. Find that new song to sing and colors to shine. Yes I am thankful for the space. For all creation comes from darkness. So I welcome it! You should too!
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As I pack for yet another retreat in two weeks, I am tired and overwhelmed. When I considered last weeks retreat on Kali and this week on Flow, I had an open life happening as usual. In February, my mom got ill and then it became rushing about through life with hospitals, weekends, running to care and little air. It continued onward until Aug. 9 when she passed. As it was happening, my sister and I tried to share the time in an effort to remain unexhausted. Although it helped to be mindful, it did not stop the over extension. Crisis is that. Your self care is any way to get through. That is why it is crisis. We can't expect to be balanced through it.
Now a month into her passing, we cleared the house of all her belongings and it is on the market this week. That, while still digesting the feeling of "poof" she is gone, was another rush of things. A few weeks ago, I wrote how I dropped and fell apart. I took a day/ weekend to just be in the tiredness. It was a support. Then I had a week long trip to Colorado to see a woman share her way of the feminine health while supporting my daughter to create an art space. Sounds lovely but was taxing as well. We keep going and seeking the joy which is good. Maybe listening inwardly, I would of rested. At the time, run away to the mountains seemed perfect to heal my soul.
Returning on Tuesday eve and heading to work Wednesday, I realized I had another adventure to the beach in only days. Unpacking was a joke for I am repacking just as quickly. I had to maneuver my work schedule, meet obligations for a festival I am hosting in 2 weeks and create order of things quickly. This is the work of woman. We go onward no matter what. We consider we are okay, keep going and when we get a moment we will catch our breath. I, as a woman and teacher of them, know that this is just how our world is. There are times when we just go on no matter what. It is the role we are made for and the universe does support us even if it feels like it doesn't.
In a good way, I am going to this retreat. Although this seems exhausting right now, it is just for me. I am needing that right now. No more care of others for the moment. Just me, being who I am and finding a new flow. We magically set things up for ourselves often unconsciously. Gathering with other woman is fueling, healing and there is no other elixir more powerful. We are the nourishers. With no effort, we just fuel each other in a give and take that is no work. I need to be held in a space that I can do nothing if I chose and with other woman, that is the case. They will tend what is necessary. There are those that will be in a powerful place and it will be their gift to manage. Those that are in a less giving space as I, will be the receiver of the goodness and it will not drain anyone. It is the magic of woman community. Priestesses in their birthright. They know when and how to tend and the field is filled with love.
I am the receiver and that is my self care in this moment. I am not beating myself up that I should be stronger, manage the world and still look good and be happy. I am in a crumble, exhausted and need care. I am gracefully going to where I can get it with no words or explanation. It is the magic of being able to receive and knowing it doesn't make me less but just human. I have supported many woman as they were in challenge and I will gracefully take my turn. We need to remember there is no shame or harm in this. It is the power of community and why woman have been the tenders of each other and family for thousands of years. For some reason in this phase, we forget this given so written in our bones. Our competition and must be do gooders always gets us in a lurch of dis-ease.
To know receiving has been a lesson of the last 6 years. I am becoming a greater master at it. We are taught that it is weak when we need help or that we should power up, go it alone and that is strength. That may be the way of men but it is not the way of woman truly. For generations we had mothers, aunts, grandmothers and children all tending each other. Now we are off alone thinking we are strong alone. It is not our natural way of give and take or nourishment. We over give and then forget to fully receive. It is a most magic power to know when enough is enough. I am done. I can give no more for a minute so I will allow the power of giving as I receive.
This is my self care. To know I have no more for this moment. To find where I can be cared for. To know the world will spin without me and I will not be less or leaving things behind. It is the nature of the cycle and I take my turn to stop and rest. We all need this like the cycle of night and day. To rest is as valuable as to do. I will care for me in the rest. I will accept the support of others so naturally my birhtright. We are not alone on this planet. If we were to do it alone, we would be on a planet without others. It doesn't make me strong to be a lone wolf. It makes me strong to know when to give and when to receive of the blessing of giving. Gracefully, fully and in gratitude, I will partake of care from others, with not a hint of shame or guilt! I will fully recieve in this gift of woman nourishment so deeply part of me!
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We have a habit of only presenting the positive in life and thinking the negative is a sign of us not being successful or together. I am an optimist so I understand the idea of seeing things through the glass half full than empty. I am not talking of this habit but the idea that life is to be all fluffy. Maybe it is our expectations and illusions in life that negative things, or challenges are a sign that we are not doing something right. We often hide our feelings that are uncomfortable or considered lower vibrations. It just is not healthy for us or a proper view of life. It creates pressure on ourselves to judge life improperly. These negative or low emotions are indicators that are here to support our vitality!
I was so exhausted on Friday when I awoke. I had the illness of my mom and then her passing over the course of the year. It went quickly and unexpectedly. We were surprised, overwhelmed going through the care and experience, then clearing her home, getting things in order in hyper speed just dropped me. The intense emotion of this as I continued to run my regular life exhausted me on all levels. That day I was just not able to go one more step. I hit my end, I couldn't work or do anything more. I fell apart as we would could consider it. Honestly, giving myself permission to do this was an amazing experience.
I have a habit of thinking I can do it all, it will be ok, I can keep going and all will be well. Sound familiar? We push ourselves, do more than is healthy, keep going and run from falling apart. Inside I had so much going on. I feel my emotions and there was such a mix that needed a break to let it pass and move through. It seemed that things in life had to be done. I was doing the minimal and things were piling up. I needed time for myself and I didn't know how to take it. I thought I couldn't or if I did, I would fall hard and there was no time for it.
But that morning, this was all over. No more brave, courageous, bucking up and doing. I was so exhausted and took that moment to say, STOP! No more could be done but me letting it all go and laying on my couch. I was proud of myself for finally listen to my inner voice that was directing me for my highest good. In the moment, that I decided the power of self rushed in so strongly. I felt validated and understood. I gave myself a break and let myself fall apart.
The indulgence in my self care was such a lesson. I teach self care and am also always learning of this self ministry. We all know the rules of this yet don't listen well enough. This time I did. I know I am over the top when I hear of others joy and can't seem to ride it, something is very wrong. I must regroup or I will go into self pity, poor me, unfairess. I know myself well enough that when I am not inspired by others, it is time to drop out and go inward and rebalance. What I was not prepared for was the joy and elation came in. The simplicity of giving myself permission to stop pressuring myself to go on, gave me an easy reset to my world.
I cried for a bit as I layed on my couch. I fell asleep and allowed myself to do nothing. I was so tired and my body just needed to rest. By mid day, I took a bath and rested more. After about a half a day, the smiling me started to resurface. Such a sort time and I found myself clearing my closet in a chilled out way. I was doing. I noticed it was an act of letting go, clearing my world on the physical level as I was letting the low emotions to move through and out. I thought I needed the whole weekend yet I was already moving back to life after such a short time. I was surprised at how allowing myself to fall apart and go into it 100%, I easily reset myself and faster than I expected.
I learned a new level of experiencing my feelings and the power of permission and allowing. We stuff down our feelings, our messages from inward to slow down or process as though there is no time to fully care for ourselves. We consider this is weakness to drop out of life. Our doing world continues to push us beyond our limits and we listen to it. It creates an imbalance in us, not listening to ourselves along the way, to the point of pure exhaustion. I know I was in a death situation which is one of the hardest realities for us to manage. We are not taught about how to process and grief is a tricky emotion. It was a situation of very sad emotions that don't come around often. The intensity of this gave me a great reference point for my life in the daily routine.
I will not allow myself to get so extreme again. I am thankful I indulged for that day and a good portion of the weekend. I just needed to be with myself. Do my personal stuff and was exhausted by doing others things that were necessary. My inner Lyn, needed her time and I forgot to listen. I won't let this happen again. I won't martyr myself for the sake of others, their needs to the point of such a break down. And if I do, I will know that just the permission to step away for a short time to process, will support me beyond and quickly.
I ended up playing in nature which heals me. I paddle boarded and kyaked back to back and the following morning I did my taxes. I was so surprised that I was energized enough to take on a daunting task and it felt good, powerful. I had to drag myself the first time into nature for I knew it's power but was too tired I thought. I was renewed so beautifully that the next day I did some more clearing for my mom and went to nature right after. I listened and kept a balance for myself and realized that was what was missing. I didn't need to do much for myself but something. The line of balance became clear.
So review what it is that you hear as you go through your daily life. Maybe you need to fall apart like I did to renew and rebalance. Maybe you can just take a half a day to do things for yourself will be enough. I will listen even more than I do from now on. I will not feel weak for doing the shut down. I will not push myself to that line any further than is necessary. The power of noticing, allowing, giving myself a break and permission to process is a delightful indulgence of self care. I encourage you to listen better as I will. I loved the falling apart that I allowed. If felt so good and rejuvenating. I can't express the power of such an act that we consider to be avoided.
I come from the perspective that all can be used for our learning. Even the harshest failures offer us great lessons. I will allow the lower emotions to do their work as indicators for myself to step away and regroup. I won't consider them to be stuffed down, over ridden or ignored. I won't judge or pressure myself that I should be more or able to manage better. I won't use these low vibes as negative but as a way that my being, my body is telling me to rest and slow down for rebalance. Life is full and I must reset so I can continue with energy, health, beauty and vitality.
Consider these low emotions are gifts. They are present for us to go inward and listen. We need to fall apart and let the world go on without us. It won't take long. They are feelings that wave through us and move out. Power, energy, enlightenment can come forward in the act of honoring the message of this low emotions. They are gifts of our body, our environment, our soul sharing what should occur to keep going. Gifts of negativity to stop us in our path so we can go forward in vitality. I am proud, honored and enthused to learn this positive guidance from myself. Rather than judge or consider these feelings to be a problem, I will honor them as a gift. Stop, renew, regroup, rebalance and revitalize yourself for a more joyful life.
Very powerful art of falling apart! Just like the flower that loses it's petals. It renews the plant powerfully to bloom again!
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|Lyn Hicks , Life Coach||
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Lyn Hicks’ passion is to awaken others to their true joy through play and relaxation! Mentor, Teacher and Writer on The Feminine Way of living!
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