The Power in Falling Apart

 We have a habit of only presenting the positive in life and thinking the negative is a sign of us not being successful or together. I am an optimist so I understand the idea of seeing things through the glass half full than empty. I am not talking of this habit but the idea that life is to be all fluffy. Maybe it is our expectations and illusions in life that negative things, or challenges are a sign that we are not doing something right. We often hide our feelings that are uncomfortable or considered lower vibrations. It just is not healthy for us or a proper view of life. It creates pressure on ourselves to judge life improperly. These negative or low emotions are indicators that are here to support our vitality!

I was so exhausted on Friday when I awoke. I had the illness of my mom and then her passing over the course of the year. It went quickly and unexpectedly. We were surprised, overwhelmed going through the care and experience,  then clearing her home, getting things in order in hyper speed just dropped me. The intense emotion of this as I continued to run my regular life exhausted me on all levels. That day I was just not able to go one more step. I hit my end, I couldn't work or do anything more. I fell apart as we would could consider it. Honestly, giving myself permission to do this was an amazing experience.

I have a habit of thinking I can do it all, it will be ok, I can keep going and all will be well. Sound familiar? We push ourselves, do more than is healthy, keep going and run from falling apart. Inside I had so much going on. I feel my emotions and there was such a mix that needed a break to let it pass and move through. It seemed that things in life had to be done. I was doing the minimal and things were piling up. I needed time for myself and I didn't know how to take it. I thought I couldn't or if I did, I would fall hard and there was no time for it.

But that morning, this was all over. No more brave, courageous, bucking up and doing. I was so exhausted and took that moment to say, STOP! No more could be done but me letting it all go and laying on my couch. I was proud of myself for finally listen to my inner voice that was directing me for my highest good. In the moment, that I decided the power of self rushed in so strongly. I felt validated and understood. I gave myself a break and let myself fall apart.

The indulgence in my self care was such a lesson. I teach self care and am also always learning of this self ministry. We all know the rules of this yet don't listen well enough. This time I did. I know I am over the top when I hear of others joy and can't seem to ride it, something is very wrong. I must regroup or I will go into self pity, poor me, unfairess. I know myself well enough that when I am not inspired by others, it is time to drop out and go inward and rebalance. What I was not prepared for was the joy and elation came in. The simplicity of giving myself permission to stop pressuring myself to go on, gave me an easy reset to my world.

I cried for a bit as I layed on my couch. I fell asleep and allowed myself to do nothing. I was so tired and my body just needed to rest. By mid day, I took a bath and rested more. After about a half a day, the smiling me started to resurface. Such a sort time and I found myself clearing my closet in a chilled out way. I was doing. I noticed it was an act of letting go, clearing my world on the physical level as I was letting the low emotions to move through and out. I thought I needed the whole weekend yet I was already moving back to life after such a short time. I was surprised at how allowing myself to fall apart and go into it 100%, I easily reset myself and faster than I expected. 

I learned a new level of experiencing my feelings and the power of permission and allowing. We stuff down our feelings, our messages from inward to slow down or process as though there is no time to fully care for ourselves.  We consider this is weakness to drop out of life. Our doing world continues to push us beyond our limits and we listen to it. It creates an imbalance in us, not listening to ourselves along the way, to the point of pure exhaustion. I know I was in a death situation which is one of the hardest realities for us to manage. We are not taught about how to process and grief is a tricky emotion. It was a situation of very sad emotions that don't come around often. The intensity of this gave me a great reference point for my life in the daily routine.

I will not allow myself to get so extreme again. I am thankful I indulged for that day and a good portion of the weekend.  I just needed to be with myself. Do my personal stuff and was exhausted by doing others things that were necessary. My inner Lyn, needed her time and I forgot to listen. I won't let this happen again. I won't martyr myself for the sake of others, their needs to the point of such a break down. And if I do, I will know that just the permission to step away for a short time to process, will support me beyond and quickly. 

I ended up playing in  nature which heals me. I paddle boarded and kyaked back to back and the following morning I did my taxes. I was so surprised that I was energized enough to take on a daunting task and it felt good, powerful. I had to drag myself the first time into nature for I knew it's power but was too tired I thought. I was renewed so beautifully that the next day I did some more clearing for my mom and went to nature right after. I listened and kept a balance for myself and realized that was what was missing. I didn't need to do much for myself but something. The line of balance became clear.  

So review what it is that you hear as you go through your daily life. Maybe you need to fall apart like I did to renew and rebalance. Maybe you can just take a half a day to do things for yourself will be enough. I will listen even more than I do from now on. I will not feel weak for doing the shut down. I will not push myself to that line any further than is necessary. The power of noticing, allowing, giving myself a break and permission to process is a delightful indulgence of self care. I encourage you to listen better as I will.  I loved the falling apart that I allowed. If felt so good and rejuvenating. I can't express the power of such an act that we consider to be avoided.

I come from the perspective that all can be used for our learning. Even the harshest failures offer us great lessons. I will allow the lower emotions to do their work as indicators for myself to step away and regroup. I won't consider them to be stuffed down, over ridden or ignored. I won't judge or pressure myself that I should be more or able to manage better. I won't use these low vibes as negative but as a way that my being, my body is telling me to rest and slow down for rebalance. Life is full and I must reset so I can continue with energy, health, beauty and vitality.

Consider these low emotions are gifts. They are present for us to go inward and listen. We need to fall apart and let the world go on without us. It won't take long. They are feelings that wave through us and move out. Power, energy, enlightenment can come forward in the act of honoring the message of this low emotions. They are gifts of our body, our environment, our soul sharing what should occur to keep going.  Gifts of negativity to stop us in our path so we can go forward in vitality. I am proud, honored and enthused to learn this positive guidance from myself. Rather than judge or consider these feelings to be a problem, I will honor them as a gift. Stop, renew, regroup, rebalance and revitalize yourself for a more joyful life.

Very powerful art of falling apart! Just like the flower that loses it's petals. It renews the plant powerfully to bloom again!


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