Boundaries are a topic that could be chatted over and over again. We all need to learn the best ways to care for ourselves and boundaries support us on many levels. As I am doing the 30 days of self care, this has come up many times. As a nurturer, a team player and one who supports humanity, this can be a challenge for me. If someone needs support, asks to play, wants me to particpate, "Yes" is the automatic response that occurs. This can be good for I am inspired or it can be not so good for I have others things that would support me better. Finding that line in each situation is key.
We have been trained to put others first, especially woman. It feels good to help and support others as well. There is a time when helping others gives us a feeling of "ugh" as we reluctanly do it. These are the times we need to feel that "ugh" and care for ourselves. That could mean that helping will create greater strife, resentment or imbalance. Later you have an expectation on someone you helped. It is your intuition supporting you with a feeling to notice and be cautious about the answer. I have over ridden this so many times only to say, you knew you got a signal and you didn't honor yourself by listening.
Each moment and situation is different. Be present in the moment and listen to your being. Some days I love to support, others I feel obligation. Some minutes I think "no" then a half hour later I feel a "yes". Tune in for this is yourself alerting yourself what is your highest good and where your boundary of support is. Just yesterday a friend asked me to do something. I wanted to support but was too tired. After I got up and moving, I suddenly thought, "I would like to do that" and ended up participating. It was great for me to and I got lifted from it. At first I said No and honored myself only to have it change. We are spirits and energy moving so pay attention. You can always change your response.
During this month of supporting me, I have encountered many situations where people wanted me to do something. Sometimes I went against my feeling for I heard the call for support and responded "sure." Some didn't work out. Others I did listen inwardly. I watched how many times my "yes" came out immediately without checking in. This was not a good way to proceed. I should always check in with myself to see if I have the energy to do it and if it feels good. Learn these boundaries.
I seem to be a magnet of these situations this month. I am indeed a caregiver so it has been a good observation to watch how I say "yes" so quickly. Saying 'no' does bring up beliefs that maybe I am not a good friend, or sister or partner. I go past that to see inwardly what I feel rather than the messages of life that go against me doing things that fuel me. It is part of this self care transformation I am in. I honor it.
Empaths especially are challenged in the boundary area. Yet what good is a gift if it exhausts you from yourself. I hear and feel others but must make certain that I have the overflow and desire to support. Otherwise, it is not good support to them or for me. Hurts, expectations, resentments come into the picture if you don't listen to yourself. I am learning this clearer and finding ways to really know what is right for me. I need to be strong to forge through all of life and I have responsibility to know how to do that. Otherwise people think you are limitless and you allowed that. No one is limitless.
Durga is the Goddess of boundaries and she fiercely defends herself, allowing in only what will nourish. We all need to embrace her within. Know when you can help, play or participate and when it is not a good idea. She protects herself and has many hands of support for she is strong and loving. She has the strength and courage of the lion . Your body, intuition, mind, emotions clearly alert you. Pay attention. Magical Self Care!
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Lyn Hicks’ passion is to awaken others to their true joy through play and relaxation! Mentor, Teacher and Writer on The Feminine Way of living!
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