We are not taught much of death but we have it all around us. In the old days where there was one dying in the other room as one was being born in another. Maybe we had a greater understanding of this circle. Or perhaps being on a farm with animals, seeing this life cycle often made us more comfortable with it. It doesn't have to always be death of a loved one either, death is in all forms. Could be a marriage or other relationship, a job, a way of living, a life cycle. Death and rebirth are all around us really. We still don't have a good relation to it or skills to cope. We need to find new ways to manage this.
Woman's bodies go through this cycle monthly. They are also usually the ones to deal with the situations of death and rebirth in our culture. Our body maybe has an innate wisdom to know what to do and to be there for others in all kinds of death and rebirth. I consider it is part of our nourishing purpose as we are the birthers of life. We can hold in these sad death like situations with comfort and care. Not really having answers to it but just being there with love for others. We want to shy away from this yet we are the ones who find ourselves helping in it.
I have been in a death cycle for 6 years with the ending of my old life. I lost many friends and my community from it that has been a great loss. I also supported friends with their mothers dying and at the end of this cycle, my mom passed unexpectly quick. So it seems this gloomy state has been about me for a bit. I had the recent death yesterday of a woman I cared for part time as she went through her last part of life. It is a bit overwhelming and sad. Sadness we are not so enthused to feel and try to stuff it, shift it quick or pretend it doesn't exist. For me that has not been an option nor do I feel it as a healthy approach. Death, sadness, loss, not getting the things we want are all part of this sense of losing people, places and things. It is part of life and healthier to feel. For it does transmute us.
Blessed I am to really revel and feel my feelings for it is the healthy way to manage through life. With the discomfort we have with death and loss, most don't give it the space. It can create illness and as I have learned, most illness comes from this unprocessing of feelings. They hide inside and create this dark area not dealt with, stagnation per se that can lead to dis ease. So for the last 6 years this gloom has been about me. I have had no choice but to deal with it.
I have discovered that there is also this richness that comes with loss that is very indicating of love. We wouldn't feel so sad if we didn't love things, people and circumstances. So this grief and loss is really just another facet of love. Heartbreak and sadness is not our favorite expression of love but we only have it if we had love in the first place. Oxytocin, the pleasure hormone of the parasympathetic nervous system is about in grief. The evidence of the love and the washing of the other side of it. We are actually in healing states when we cry, feel sad, miss things or others. This healing hormone is present and supports our body in renewal when we give into the sadness. We are healed and supported as we process our feelings. Not hindered in health.
I have also had much reflection as I finish this death cycle. A review of things comes from loss, grief and death that I wouldn't have do if I hadn't gone through it. Allowing this sadness to come forward brings the juice and gifts of things I loved. I have more compassion for myself and others. I value things differently from this reflection and find greater ease in the changes of life. It has not depressed me or condensed me but expanded my understanding of life and its unexpected shifts. Able to step back and see the good and bad, painful and liberating of the pain by actually just feeling and allowing it. Not getting caught in it but letting it be and move through me.
It also transforms how we see the surface of life. The superficial things that all seem to think matter. When death and loss is about, all those things leave. Hearing someone moan about traffic or another seems so trite. What we really value comes forward and life has a new, deeper meaning to be here. You let go of pieces of your littleness you have for you clearly see how ridiculous it is. You have greater compassion for others for you know not what they may be dealing with underneath. You have a greater connection to life, to being alive and less small thinking about all of it.
Judgement leaves too if you process your emotions. At death, all seem like little children. They are helpless often and their childlike nature of hoping their beliefs are true, that they don't really know what is next and even fear of a child seems about. They look so innocent and vulnerable. You can no longer hold anything against them in action or deed for you just have compassion for them as they will soon leave. Our fears of this come forward too and can be seen. Even in situations or things, this judgement can leave. Yes, it is hard to lose anything you wanted. But an acceptance comes in at some point and the whole judgement leaves you. You see more accurately and without all the mess. It is quite innocent and honest. Your feel free and open that it just is how it is and all are doing their best.
Quiet, crying, feeling low all seem fine things to do with this death cycle. I have learned not to bypass it only to find myself losing it at something small. I have learned the art of self care instead of just busying myself. Ironically, when you allow these to come forward, they don't last long like they do when you avoid them. They lie in hiding waiting to bubble up. You don't cry for more than a few minutes I have found and as I stated earlier, it offers healing oxytocin. You get out of fight or flight and actually create renewal. Tears of all situations come out and it really does feel good. We think it won't but it does. You make peace with sadness instead of trying to avoid it. Sadness, loss, are all part of life. No one gets away from it. So it is healthy to be able to process these emotions so energy isn't used to hide it. Greater joy can come in after it is cleared.
Sacredness to the process of life and death, rebirth has become very clear to me. You can't have new things or experiences without this letting go. There is only so much room in you and you will encounter many little and big losses in life. You don't take it as seriously if you go through it and feel it. It leaves sooner than later. Avoiding it creates alot of stress. Just going through this regular life emotion and processing creates a health and an understanding. All is sacred that is part of life. Your begin to really feel life in it's highs and lows. The highs are more valuable and delicious. The lows just are. We find sacredness to it all.
In being lost, in loss or confusion means that being found or finding your way is just the next progression. If you don't allow being lost, unclear, sad, you won't get to the next leg while you are stuffing it down. All is change and has it's way so you flow with it. Accepting your feelings, acknowledging them allows them to leave and new ways to come it. It is really quite exciting to feel these things for they go and higher joy comes in. Answers, support, clues and messages stream in. It feels quite magical that you can go low only to be lifted by outer sources. Invisible support comes in. It is very mysterious and fun.
There is a great richness of love that you know when you feel and process your loss. Life becomes colorful again in a way it never was. You grow and expand your depth and compassion for yourself and others. You find less small things being an issue in life. You seek support from the world in magic ways. You find yourself more ok with all that shows up. You learn to ride the cycle easier. I imagine some incredible greatness will come forth in this next cycle for me. I have learned alot in this death cycle that has inspired and lifted me to new awareness. I understand that love is all that matters in a deeper way. It makes me soften, kinder and more caring.
I inspire you to find the richness in loss. I have lost many of things, people and dreams in this cycle. I am not depressed or thinking life is not good. I am the opposite. I find simple inspiration that can lift me so high. I find inward comfort that I didn't have before. I am more accepting of all, mostly myself and my ups and downs. I appreciate life more deeply and know how powerful a smile or caring can be. All has great learning and great love in it. I wouldn't know these things without this cycle and the allowance of it to be felt and processed. I encourage all to dive into this for themselves. It is healthy. It is comforting and it can be releasing so new fun and wonder can show up.
I am enthused for this as it makes all life richer in all ways! Blessings to those in this, for it is like compost and has rich nutrients that you would never imagine! Feel, process, cry, be sad! It will transform into great joy and learning! I promise that! This I have experienced and am much lighter for it!
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Lyn Hicks’ passion is to awaken others to their true joy through play and relaxation! Mentor, Teacher and Writer on The Feminine Way of living!
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