Did you ever go through something and feel so lost in the going through of it, that you don't see full perspective until you reach a certain point? The time element, 20/20 hindsight so powerful. As you went through whatever it was, your perspective was in one view then, suddenly one day, you look over it all and see a new perspective. I had such a revelation today.
The power of completion is incredible. We have so many open windows really, different projects on line at once. Then the right season rolls in, you find endings to things hanging in the wings and feel so energized. Today I put away patio furniture for the winter, doing the seasonal close down with help. Then I cleaned my car in detail for it was needing it for at least a year or so it felt like. I ordered all the random belongings that I have going in and out. Sorted them, organized what was to be with me and then finally got to the actual cleaning of the car. Our mobile space so part of our lives, finally got a clean out. The last task I did was cut back my plants at Meadowbrook for winter rest. The perfect moment landed as I worked in the sun and rested the perennials for harboring inward til spring.
I felt graceful and contented as I shut down each thing that was long overdue. The plants inspired me to recall my last season of life. As I meditatively cut them back, a remembering of these old friends that have been with me for almost 20 years. From my cutflower farm, they were my pals for many seasons of bloom. Remnants of places and times before. I thought these are the last of the oodles of plants I have from the farmer days. They have been tended to since I left my farm. In a new world as I, settled in so well now. I thought "Wow. These are some of the gifts of my family days long gone. I realized how there presence has shifted the land here and that they were one of my creativities of the farm in Ottsville. I noticed all the land shifts I had made here. I lived here for 5 years until I finally got my birdnest, treetop home as I call it over a year ago.
I thought of when I first left, afraid and confused. I knew a new life was to unfold but knew nothing of it just that I was done with the life I had. Not that it was so bad or troubled but that a new phase was ready to unfold. The whole 6 years I wondered what am I doing? What is this new phase? Going through loss of a marriage, a farm life and my playful magic kingdom of 16 years was a long process. It seemed like forever for a new way of life to come in. I had to work in different careers, make due to live and find out what it was like to be on my own. I had been a tender of community, of flowers, of a family life so this me, myself and I seemed foreign. It took a while to get what it means to care for myself. Even though I was out making it, I still had my old way deeply rooted.
It took a few project efforts to get my purpose to go. I wanted a spa, education, event spot on my farm. It didn't work out so I collaborated to create a spa with another and that dropped out too, after a few years of work. Then I began the Room at Meadowbrook with Sue on her farm. It has been slow and challenging at times. Sue had always worked alone and I was always a collaborator. Finding our way to collaborate with no real knowing what would come forward. Yet though this we did to manifest this space that soon will be Meadowbrook Healing Sanctuary.
The road feels hard it to begin from point zero. Being in the world of others rather than playing on my farm. Finding ways to feed myself as a new idea unfolded. Connections, dating, adventuring and sinking into this new life seemed harder than other things I have had to manage. Yet today, as I played with my old familiar plants, an epiphany came of this past 6 years of all I had done and completed.
I could feel my energy build as I cut back the hostas and peonies. I looked at all the plants and gardens I created so easily here. I could of been burdened by clearing them on a cold day as the sun warmed me I suddenly saw what the last 6 years had been with such completely different eyes. Settled else where and on this new path, I got a new glimpse of what had gone down. It had a powerful flavor of accomplishment, tenacity, creativity and persistence. I was in "Wow" moments for all that had occurred positively in those years that I had not ever seen in this way before. My mind knew all I did but it had all the turmoil and strife story mixed in. Today as I cut back, cleared old memories as I did, I saw the beauty of all I had completed and built in the transition years of my life. I felt powerful and filled. It was a magical afternoon. A shifting epiphany.
I could of listed the things in a mental way but that wasn't what occurred. It was an energy shift of seeing things one way to a whole new way that had a feeling of power. Not confusion or lostness as I so commonly thought of this last chapter. Today it had a magic spirit of what wonder I have done in between trying to recreate a new life alone. I savored it as I cut back the plants. I thought I am cutting the cords, ties and hard memories of this time and putting them in the compost pile. All the hardship, challenge, insanity and fear, getting cut through and discarded for this new season ahead. No longer holding me in the story, the shape of the form. Really seeing the last chapter as the great success it is.
I know what I have done of course and worked so hard. But inside me, vibrationally, in full emotion and grounding, I truly hadn't seen the real picture of what I was creating as I was rebuilding or finding myself. Today, with the time, the sun, the plant friends of old, it reordered me to a new picture of this segment of my life. It felt full, rewarding, transitioned and switched into a more magical view of what was going on underneath the regular changes. These epiphanies, switches in consciousness come through time and reflection. You can't really call them in but when they show up, you say, "wow" what a wonderful way to see something that seemed so different from another lens.
I am not sure if it was the plant magic I am so fond of in all forms. Or the letting go season of fall that fits in all levels. Cutting the plants, clearing my memories and perspectives. Deciding without my mind but in my being what was to be kept forward versus put on the dead pile. This review not one of thinking but of watching or multilevel experiencing as I worked on the physcial garden. Suddenly one moment the picture was one way and the next, it had a whole new take that was in my favor of accomplishment and change. Persistence and purpose. Dedication and foreseeing. Really a magical afternoon.
I love when we leap, recatagorize life's events after a period of time. You need that element so you can see how when you are in something, it has up close views of everyday. Once you reach a certain hindsight, it all seems to make sense and you can let go of the issues that challenged you or made your world hard. A most beautiful story comes forward and your role so much clearer upon distance. I felt like a view, a phase of life gone. And I tucked it away in closure with a more correct view of what had really occurred. Not with the emotional charge or the mental judgement and expectation I had seen before. In a new realignment how it fit the larger picture. The purpose in the change, "hard" or maybe even the lemonade I had made out of lemons. It tasted sweet as nectar and rejuvenated my whole being.
A soulful view perhaps these times are. When we were so on top of what we were doing and had no idea it was happening. It feels grand, empowering. I feel lighter and composted my old ideas. They were valid before but no longer truth as to what was occurring in this chapter. The birds eye view. I feel like I am flying for the heaviness of the process could be let go. I soared above and was impressed with what I had done.
I invite you too to find time this fall season to reorder yourself. This was a 6 year ending but all endings give us lightness after the grief of loss is processed. The end of the season, the end of chapters that were so good yet all things change. The unlayering of life to see the paragraph summary rather than the detailed words of how or what. It is the time to let go, review and renew our vision on what has been done. See larger pieces of the plan that are working even when we don't know it. It is that time to let go of the hard, the husk, the challenge of the year and keep only what uplifts and allows us to fly. It is peaceful and satisfying. I am contented as I head to a bath feeling better about me and my world than I did earlier today. Closing a chapter and starting a new one all in a moment.
Be still and find calm in this way of the fall. Reflection, rest, reorder is not highly regarded in our culture. Yet it is so powerful to change you, to catalyze your viewpoints, your story, your unfolding of life. It is honoring and sacred . It is often what we miss in this hectic pace. The moments of great soul. So fulfilling. Contented as I write. Peaceful and a underlying joy to see my world with a new lens. Take the time to do this for yourself. Let go. Realign, Review. See the truth beyond what you saw .
Then you can go forward with less husk and baggage, fear and judgement. And even Lightness to start the new chapter that all of this came together for. Really a lovely afternoon of regeneration of my light!
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