I will share what is present for me regarding refueling myself, relationship and understanding my limits. Let me begin by sharing I have a great knowing of another that is beyond my experience here. i sense a friend very strongly empathically but don't really have what I would call a normal communicating friendship. An odd situation that has taught me a lot of learning about my intuition, desire, personality and love.
I am blessed with the gift to feel and see others essence of who they are. Often if people are not so nice, I can still see their gift or feel their goodness beyond what their behavior displays. It is a gift and curse at times to my personality, for no one likes unkind behavior or desires to put up with being treated not as we would like. We all display unkind behavior at times and often it has nothing to do with who is before us. It usually is discomfort within ourselves, we are stuck in some learning and can't move past it at that moment so we blame the outside conditions. I see past this often and as I said, it is not always so joyful to my personality to give others the benefit of the doubt and remain holding friendship.
The learning from this gift and this odd sensing, is that I can tap into the love I have and offer it even if it is not directly returned. However, there are times that my temper tantrum girl like all of us, doesn't want to be so loving and love past others barriers to receiving or engaging, It creates anger in me of course, I get resistant to how others respond as we all do. When I get over it or diverted from tantrum girl, I blame myself for not being so loving. My learning is of this resentment, this kind unkind switch in consciousness. We all have a duality in us. We see it, try to learn and get to revisit it many times in an effort to make sense of ourselves.
Today I see this as a learning of how to work with my gift. It is always something in our control, finding a new way to cope, to work with the conditions. I am seeing this gift as a wonderful openness to others. It is now my job to use this to my benefit and notice when this anger comes forward that I am not managing it so well. It is ok that I do get angry at times at others response or non response. That is a message to me that it is not working to my benefit. There is nothing wrong with this anger and I need not judge it. I need not be upset that I express it and then judge it as not kind and loving and then get upset with myself.
It is just part of relationship and being on the planet with others. They don't do what we want sometimes and it is ok. We can express in anger or unloving and that is ok as well. So much of our training tells us that we are to always be loving or we are not good or spiritual. If we find negative emotion at others or situations, we call it wrong and ungodly. This is not the real truth of it though. This negativity is an indicator that we are out of loving in that moment. We are to embrace the all of this experience and not judge or qualify it as good or bad only. We just recognize what we are capable of at that moment. There is no good or bad about it.
Our discomfort, anger, resentment, annoyance is just an indicator that our loving is not present. We don't need to put that at others or ourselves. We just acknowledge that we are not loving and we need to regroup. It is not good or bad, it is an awareness of our state and to redirect, get out or away is the message. Let go and find something else to do for our fuel has been exhausted in that situation. It is like running out of gas. The car isn't bad, the mechanics are not the problem, it is the nourishing energy to drive is plum gone. We don't get angry at our car, we find a gas station. It is as simple with ourselves.
We can't be loving, kind, supportive all minutes of the day. Potentially we could but we have not been taught of this or how to do it. We are coming to a greater awareness to maybe some day do that yet it won't happen until we understand ourselves, our limits in this vehicle and our boundaries. This anger is an indicator to stop what I am doing. It is a sign that I need inward fuel and I will not find it outside or in another at this moment. That is all it is. A powerful energy at that for it has a powerful message.
Learning to know oneself is the highest wisdom. We are not all loving and kind all hours, it just isn't realistic these images of being a perfect, lovely person. All great seekers knew when to step away and refuel They caught the message early enough and heeded the call. When we are filled it is so easy to truly give and love others no matter what behavior they throw toward us. It is only when we are empty that it creates a disturbance. We have lots of options too as to how to manage these conditions. We can move and never be near them. We can reset and then interact. We can find others to share our filled upness with. We can use our loving and gifts in other directions. There is many ways to use this anger or strife to redirect ourselves. Beating ourselves up for not being so wonderful every moment is not a wise option.
The first step, most importantly, is to refuel yourself elsewhere. Refresh yourself. Know your limits. Learn them as you get in these situations. See the annoyance as the gift to step away, move elsewhere. Not with a judgement about it but with wisdom that it just is. This is my learning with my gift. If I see another's essence and lose sight of that, get hurt by their behavior, it is time to regroup. I don't need to feel bad that I get angry or upset with them. I just need to know I am at my limit of giving and must turn another way. It is not good or bad, about me or them, it is about knowing limits, boundary, love and giving.
My learning today is about being gentle with myself for what I have done or not done. Seeing this anger or negativity as a sign to refresh and take care of myself first. Know that anger or upset with another is not wrong or bad. It is a message to me of how to proceed by REFUELING myself by honoring whatever I need. The best part of this strange gift is that I am learning of myself. We all have a great loving in us. It is not always available to give though it is always there.
It is a learning for us all with our gifts. Somedays we don't have extra gas to go where we want or be who we are inside. We just need to pull into the closest gas station and fuel up again. No big deal, no need to engage our duality or be upset with running out of gas. It is what it is.
Gassed up, we can continue with spreading our gifts! VaaaaaRoooooom!
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