Relationships

I am in a continual learning about relationships! So far across the country, I am creating new connections and friends constantly. My tribes from the internet are so helpful to me, my peps of life that help me stay connected and cared for. In a new spot, I have had to reach out in all ways to meet people and commune.

It has been interesting for me. It is far different than people who know of or kind of know you or have a connect to someone you know. Out here, all is open and there are no references. I have had to expand  in all ways. Relationship to new land, new people, myself in a new way and potential lovers as well. Completion came to my latest romance. It was abrupt. I call all things  perfect timing. It didn't feel perfect to end or turn out that way but it did. I take lessons of myself from it and learn how to be better in connection. I reflect on what I was told and how it all went. 

Importantly, as a newbie to it all here, there is a time of synchronizing myself to this new world. It takes a lot of my personal energy to feel a foundation is being built. I believe I am caught up in that self or selfishness of creating my world. I don't have as much time to notice and interact wholeheartedly with another in the way many settled can. It is a good thing for me to know. I don't have as much energy for a fulltime relationship as others. It takes a real commitment to learn of your partner and how to interact and bring in happiness. I am not so well tuned into another as I think was necessary. That is a good learning.  In not offering my all to that, I am neglecting a key part of relationship. At this moment, building my foundation more important to me I now see.

Realize how much you can give to any relationship. Whether to yourself, another, a project. I think commitment is important. I am not so grounded in myself and new world to offer the commitment that was desired. That created the idea that I am selfish or self centered, not attentive to him and what he needed. I don't want another to feel that way with me! We must participate in both receiving and giving. Know what commitment is needed and works.

I also consider that whatever was going on, my true being wasn't expressed apparently. I was called a taker, selfish, not a go getter, aloof to his feelings, over talking him and not giving space to name a few. I also got the magical world is not real chat.  I take this all very seriously. They are not fine traits. I dont want to play that role.  For whatever reason, our chemistry didn't show my truth empathic, compassionate nature or high vibe energy. He even said I complained a lot. All unusual things for me to hear. I see we were not a mix then for who wants that kind of partner! Yikes! 

I look at myself and see where there is truth to this in my life. I think this is key. Not to take another's experience of us and make it a problem but know the mix wasn't working for him. That is just a preference thing. It makes neither wrong or right. I was not the ball of joy and magic I wanted to be in that situation and hindered his comfort. Ironically, I didn't see it as so bad. That is where my fantasy lies.  This all good learning and noticing. I am more self centered at this building place and that is ok. 

I have been in many relationships on many levels and have often found great common group with others where you would think there was none. This is a case where I thought there was more but there wasn't. These things happen in relationship and you trust that for yourself or another, what happens is ok. It is meant to be. All relationships are reflections with another. I can thank him for the reflection and interaction and realize where I am not supporting in the best way. This is perfect to learn and not be critical towards myself or him. Just learning of communion and non communion. 

I think we all can look at relationships and  learn together in less judgement. Less right or wrong perspective but more as a blend or not. He is not wrong in his desires as I am not wrong in my ways. We just don't blend in a way that fueled his mind, body and spirit or mine. A non mix. That is perfect. We find that in relation to many things and it is our choice to speak up and move on. I honor that and him. I am thankful for all the fun, giggle and learning I had. I feel blessed. I feel thankful that he was truthful about how he saw me so I didn't have to try to meld into something. I just wasn't right for him. I honor that he knew that. After all I am a handful of sorts!

 I am morphing with the environment and creating all anew. I am not doing it all perfectly either. This is always what is happening. We are doing our best and relationship gives us a meter to see what we offer. Seems I should stick to myself for a minute and set up my foundation a bit more. Then I can offer more to another. I am good with that. I will however miss the fun as I miss so many relations to things lost along the way. It is good to savor and remember the blessings.

Then on we go! To find others or things that we blend with better! More forward and be grateful for a new moment!

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