I have been separated over 5 years and divorced almost 3. Often people ask me for advice on men and I tell them I have no real idea. Having not dated for over 25 years and then dating only 4 or so men since I was divorced, my reference points are limited. 3 of the men I knew previously and only one was an introduction through mutual friends. They all have taught me such learning of myself and I am most greatful for the lessons in self care. Probably the one I didn't know at all taught me the most and it was very interesting to observe myself in that relationship. I chose this to share as one of my last self care blogs for it has been a real learning for me on taking care of myself first.
It seems that there is some personal growth for me before a more balanced relationship will come in. I have found that I attracted men who have some form of heart break still going as they stumble upon me. I am a very happy spirit and fun to be with. I laugh alot, I embrace my wacky ways so I am easy to be with and very entertaining. Each of these men dumped me and it was a good thing. I knew innately none of them were for me but I stayed in it much like I did with my marriage. Marriage is different to go the extra mile, I went that and beyond until the man or the universe just sliced me out of the picture. In each one as I said, I knew it wasn't going to last and often my being yelled "Leave this relationship". However, I am learning as a divorcee to truly listening to myself or default mode occurs. No one's ego feels good being ditched but it has been my path to learn self care.
I must also have some form of heart break or I wouldn't attract these men with that reflection. I guess we all have that in life as divorced or widowed scenarios. I was the first line, the first woman for all of them as a transition to dating. The first man, an old friend that I didn't remember really wanting to date him ever as he did me. That fizzled in 6 months. He a heavy drinker I discovered, very clingy and controlling. I was more neglected in my marriage so it felt good at first but I am not one to do everything with another. I am not in contact with him anymore.
The second lost his wife. I rolled in about 10 months after, which I have learned, that is the crash and burn after a death. He was very down and depressed, I felt my silliness and elixirs could support. We were very peaceful together but maybe too peaceful with no fire. His down moods and extended situations with his kids had him back off from me. It was best. He is still my friend. We have a very loving friendship that was good support but not a long term romance. He has found another.
The third I will share here, I learnt most from and was the one I called wild boy in previous blogs. We were extreme opposites and I think he may have began dating just to spike his ex and to support his hurt heart. We had a wild time together when we played with fun but as far as two ends of the spectrum, we took it. I knew the first time we went away together he was not going to last but rode it out for he was so different than any I had known. Curiosity inspired us both. He ended up dumping me by sending me a pic of him and his new girl, then blocking me from his phone. A first for both extremes but it was his way and it is a giggle to me. I knew that spirit was trying to redirect me long before.
He taught me the most for he showed me my shadow of acquiescing in a big way. I am a helper girl and it is hard for me to leave any relationship. I hold hard. I hate to let people go it alone. He showed me anger easily, I felt like I was always getting yelled at. I would astonish myself that I let anyone be like that to me but I did and often giggled that one was ok to be so honest and mean. Odd learning and karma for sure. We had this wild attraction energetically, our fields where like fireworks of opposites. He had no desire for spirituality and thought my elixirs and work were hocus pocus. How did I stay with one with such little value for my favorite things? Learning crazy that way and he cleared tons of shadow behavior from me.
He made fun of me in a jostling way kind of and I stuck around. We did laugh a lot. He was angry often, annoyed, pessimistic and I stuck around. He was a workaholic, I was neglected but I stuck around. He blew me off often for work yet I stuck around. He was uncompromising and ruling and I still stuck around. I surprised myself so much by all this and observed it inwardly. I know there was a purpose as all things for us both and my light energy as a minister keeps me in some odd places. It was clear it should and would end soon but I still stuck around until he rudely sent me the pic and then blocked me with final words of " Enough". Thank you, next is a good response. It was the height of an experience of true crazy girl of me. If ever I had one person bring out all shadows, wild boy did. It has much laughter though thinking of it as it did experiencing such insanity.
I tell you this for relationships are a huge a self care key. I am not savvy with dating. so this as well as friendships has been a huge learning the last 5 years. This experience has been quite fun and learning to go through with these other men. I saw how I stayed way past my self care. I saw how I flexed beyond my boundaries. I saw that I attracted wounded guys and felt like I needed to be there even if it wasn't good for me. I tapped into my anger finally with wild boy and really could express at being mistreated rather than meek. I honor them all and the lessons. I saw their light but that doesn't mean others will express that to me. I also had to learn, especially with wild boy that his hearts desire was to work. Mine to play. He felt good working so I couldn't take that personally. It was what he felt best doing.
The moral is that we will always be learning. As you can see, I learned a little in each one for slowly we progress up the ladder out of our patterns. Very similar they were in many ways and this is how we learn. We tweak, learn and try again to gain more ground. There are not leaps in most cases in patterns. It is a spiral. I largely learned that I myself must settle me with self care. Know myself and work on loving me, developing and listening to me. Then a greater match that is more centered can come upon me. This is the great value to know yourself through relationship and using it as a tool of self care. These all started out as self care. Even when I knew they were not, I kept going.
In the end, my inner voice knew I was not to be in any of them as long as I was. They got rid of me when I should of let them go long before. The end result is the same. I could of saved myself hurt and drama!? Or would I have learned: I could of honored my inner knowing and myself. We live and learn.
Self care is truly learned most through relationship. How do you care for self? Do you give up your thriving for another's? Do you listen to your inner voice? These are all great self care keys and lessons on truly honoring you! Each time you choose you, you are honoring you and your magic gets more grounded. I enjoyed them all! And if I ever run into wild boy, I am sure we will laugh upon seeing each other! I know I will! Teehee!
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